What a waste of a beautiful body

I finally had my first one night stand with a Tinder guy. I did take myself off of Tinder, but I’ve been texting a couple of guys in the meantime. The young man that I met, we’ll call him Jason, was a bald cutie with huge dimples. His pictures on Tinder were of him running track and doing athletic stuff. He didn’t have an ounce of fat on him. Big smile, nice body and his texts were funny.

He was a persistent little shit. Texted me out of the blue a lot asking me to come over. He acted like we had known each other for ages. He seemed very comfortable with the notion of us hooking up. After a couple of weeks I thought “What the hell. Might as well. It might be fun.” I was nervous as I drove to his house. Told myself that if I wasn’t attracted to him, I’d just leave. I had trouble finding his place. Took me a lot longer to get there than it should have, mainly because of nerves. Had visions of being tied up with duct tape on my mouth, laying on a giant piece of plastic.

When I finally knocked on his door, I was so nervous I was almost blind. I just gave him a quick hug, barged in to his house and started blabbing like an idiot. Jason lived in a cute older house that had been converted in to apartments. He said that he had just moved in with a roommate. The apartment was pretty bare except for a living room set, big tv and his bedroom furniture. Plenty of room to kill an innocent woman on a giant piece of plastic.

He was sitting in the dark, watching “I am Legend”. Nothing sexier than a zombie movie. I sat on the couch with him. He was very cute. Kind of looked like a bald Joseph Gordon Levitt. He talked and chatted and made me feel comfortable right away. He said that he was a salesman for a local computer company. Evidently he had just come out of a long engagement. He’s just trying to get his groove back, just like I am.

We talked and chatted until he got a text. Then all of a sudden he decided it was time to have sex. He kissed me and then proceeded to take my clothes off. It was fast and frantic and very unsexy. He wanted me to sit on top of him first, but I couldn’t feel a good rhythm. It was weird and too forced. He was well hung, so it didn’t have anything to do with size. There’s nothing worse than a man with a beautiful, giant cock that has no clue how to use it. Since that wasn’t working he decided to do it from behind, so I leaned against the couch; more frantic fucking. Not sexy at all. Right in the middle of it, his phone went off and he stopped to look at his text. Really!?!?!?!? Then he wanted to go into his bedroom. I asked him if that was where the plastic was spread out so that he could kill me. He said I was funny. At that point I was kind of hoping that was the case. It would have been more exciting than the sex we were having. Once we were on his bed, sex wasn’t any better. I felt like I was fucking an 18 year old boy. No rhythm, no real lust or passion, just fucking. He didn’t even try to explore by body or try to make me feel good. He pounded away at me without caring if I felt good or not.

After he came we talked and chatted for a little while longer and then I left. I didn’t feel one bit satisfied. Just used. I guess that’s what I get for hooking up with strangers. He asked me if I wanted to come back over on Thursday. I told him yes, but I have no intention of going back. I don’t think there’s any hope of it being any better.

The next day he texted me and asked how he was. He told me to be honest. I told him he was lovely and that sex was great. In other words, I lied through my teeth. I should have told him that he has no clue how to make love to a woman. He had no rhythm. He had no sense of what it means to be inside of a woman and FEEL her. He should have touched me, explored my curves and paid attention to my breasts. I can cum just from someone sucking and biting my nipples. I should have told him that you don’t have to fuck hard in order to make a woman cum. Sometimes nice and slow makes me cum more than hard and furious. Exploration is key. Explore every nook and cranny. Learn my body and what makes it tick. I know it was our first night together. I’m sure he was just as nervous as I was, but it could have been much better. It should have been lusty and sweaty and hot. Instead it was cold and boring. I shouldn’t have lied to him. He’ll never make a woman happy if he’s never told the truth.

I wish I could teach him that it’s all in the way you make the woman feel. A man needs to make a woman feel like being inside of her is the one place on earth that he wants to be. He needs to convince her that her pussy is the one pussy in the world that his dick has been searching for. He needs to make her feel like he never wants to leave and that being inside of her makes him happier than anything else on earth. He should make her feel like Her kisses are the only ones he craves. A woman needs to know that having sex with her is all he cares about at that moment. No phone calls,text messages, sports show or movie is more important than being with her and inside of her. (Turn off your fucking phone, guys! Especially when you’re getting laid!) He should make her feel that she’s all that matters. If he can convince her of that, she’s all his. Even if it’s a lie and he knows it’s going to be a one night stand, he should leave her trembling, breathless and wanting more.

My last longterm lover spent hours and hours making love to me. I’ve never been with a man who could last as long or who was as good as he was. He felt every stroke, every breath, every quiver. He knew my body better than I did. We made love all night long and then woke up and made love again. He’d come home from work just so that we could have a quickie. He couldn’t get enough of me. He told me that I was beautiful and he couldn’t resist me. I’ll probably never find a lover like him again. Maybe I shouldn’t hold a stranger up to his standard. That’s probably not fair.

I thought about calling Jason and telling him the truth; offering to teach him, but I’m not sure if he’ll understand what I”m trying to say. He’s 27. I’m not sure if he’s old enough to comprehend what real love making is or if he’s too old to learn new tricks. Maybe some day it will click for him. I hope it does. He’s too fucking handsome and hung for it to go to waste.

I’m learning so much about how “hooking up” works. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I want to have sex, but I want it to be worth my while. Hopefully someday soon I’ll find a good partner. I want to be courted. I want a man to pursue me. I want the anticipation and lust that I felt when I was young and dating. Not sure how to go about finding that again and I’m not going to go without until I do. So I’m going to keep plugging away for now. I used to say I’d rather have no sex than lousy sex, but at this stage of my life I’d rather have lousy sex than no sex. Oh my gosh! I think I’m turning in to a guy!

The one thing I do know is that I’m happier as a single gal than I was as a married gal. I’d rather kiss a few young, inexperienced toads than lay in bed with an old one who has no interest in me (and wears dresses behind my back).

Done rambling for now. Just got a text from my other Tinder buddy. Wish me luck!

Can I be frank?

I am a 50 year old woman who is tired of going without. (I turn 50 next month, so I’m owning it early).  Without romance, companionship, sex.  It’s been years since I’ve had a all of those things.  The saddest part about the whole thing is that I was married to a man for 10 years.  He was  tall, beautiful, talented, funny, intelligent …everything a woman could want.  The only thing lacking was sex.   That man could go for years without ever trying to make love to me.  He just had no interest in it.

I should have known something was wrong when we were dating.  He could never last more than a minute, literally.  He would claim it was because he was nervous, or he was feeling guilty about his girlfriend.  (I know, I know…I’m evil.  He was with someone that he was unhappy with.  According to him, they never had sex.  Of course, looking back I totally believe that one!)  Anyway, our sex life wasn’t the best while we were dating.  He ended up leaving his girlfriend and moving in with me.  Sex was still pretty lousy.  But I didn’t care, I loved him.  He was supportive.  He helped me follow my dream of being a screenwriter. He encouraged me to be the best that I could be.

There’s an old saying about married sex.  When you get married, for the first year, every time you have sex you put a penny in a jar.  After the first year, every time you get married, you take a penny out of the jar.  Well, our first year we wouldn’t have put a quarter’s worth in and we wouldn’t have taken a dimes worth out for the other nine years.  We didn’t have sex for the last three years of our marriage.  I was so sexually frustrated.  I can’t tell you how many nights I begged him to make love to me.  I think he probably had a little vomit in his mouth at the thought of it.  He acted like the thought made him sick.

I know that sex isn’t everything, but it is something valuable and important in a relationship.  I need sex.  I crave it.  Sex makes me happy.  But my ex didn’t need it.  Not from me anyway.  He did manage to have an affair with a big old honking bull dyke looking chick, though.  Go figure.  He wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole, but he had an affair with the most abrasive and crude nurse at the hospital where we both worked.  Lucky me, I walked in and found them together.  After ten years of marriage, I find my husband screwing a big old heifer on his desk.  Lovely.

He had other issues, like the fact that he kept long evening gowns hidden in the back of the closet and refused to get rid of them.  I put them in a stack for Goodwill, thinking that they would be gotten rid of, but found them several months later hidden in the closet again.  I think he is a cross dresser. I think he is attracted to men or to women who remind him of men.  He was feminine in a lot of ways.  I guess I just didn’t want to see it.  After months of pressuring him, he finally went to the doctor and had a testosterone test.  He had zero testosterone.  He refused to take testosterone pills in order to help our sex life.  He had absolutely no desire to be with me.

I loved and adored him, but after ten years of being rejected I had enough.  Now I’m divorced and am trying to navigate my way through this crazy dating world.

As a 50 year old woman, I have to say I am lost.  Men my age don’t see me.  I’m invisible to them.  I’m not saying I’m gorgeous or anything, but I’m an attractive, fit, funny, friendly woman.  I have big dimples and a friendly smile.  People are naturally attracted to me, but not men in their 40′s and 50′s.  To them I’m some old grandma who is wrinkled and fading away.  Younger men see me.  Younger men still see me as a younger woman.  I noticed it this past summer.  I haven’t worn shorts out in public for years.  My son bought a paddle board for me.  I would take it down to the river where folks walk and run the local trail.  Beautiful, hot guys would smile at me and talk to me.  I know the paddle board caught their attention, but I kept it. It made me realize that I’m not some faded out old biddy.  I still have it in me to attract men.

I read an article about a woman in England who was 60.  She said that when she turned 60 she felt unwanted, nonsexual and dried up.  She wanted to feel like a woman again.  She decided she was tired of dating older, flabby men so she joined a website called Tinder.  She posted that she was 54 and sat back to see what kind of response she would get.  Evidently she had a great response.  Tinder is a site where you post a picture and a little bit about yourself.  Very basic stuff.  If a man likes you he’ll click a heart button and if he doesn’t, he’ll “x” you out.  If you like him too, it will let him know that you are a match. She said that men in their 20′s and 30′s responded to her because they are tired of younger women.  They like older women because we have no inhibitions.  We know what we want and aren’t afraid to ask for it.  According to her  blog, she had slept with 15 young men in a year.

I know that a lot of people read that article and thought that it was horrible.  I’m sure they called her a slut and a whore, but when I read it I thought “good for her”.  I know exactly how she feels.  I long for good old passionate sex.  I want to feel like the sexy, attractive woman that I am.  I want to have a man make love to me more than once in a night.  I want a man to ravish me.

So, I joined Tinder.  Right away I started getting matches from guys in their twenties and thirties.  A few forty something’s, but mainly younger men.

I’m going to see what happens and share it with whomever may read this blog.  I don’t know if I’ll be brave enough to do the one night stand thing, but I’m going to see where this goes.  It’ll be fun.  I’ll post a blog for each adventure that I go on.

Wish me luck!